Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Allem's Exploits

Fulty's exploits on tour are legendary. He is one of the funniest individuals I've ever been around. When we were leaving the Princess for the Phoenix Autobahn, I was with the car which was illegally parked in a fire zone waiting on those two fools to return. Fulty comes out of a side hotel door down a concrete walkway of some 50 yards with his briefcase and a pair of shoes. That's it. Meanwhile Bull is bringing up the rear with a suitcase the size of a large steamer trunk, golf clubs in a travel case, three pairs of shoes in single shoe bags, and a hanging bag. He looked like a walking bellhop luggage cart. So Fulty arrives at the car and turns around to check on Bull's progress only to see him struggling some 30 yards back with his freight and yells, "COME QUICKLY, RRRRRRRRUUUUUNNNNNN!!!" He is want to treat his loopers like dogs. "COME, SIT, SPEAK" Then as we're on our journey to the airport and Bull coaxs Fulty to write him a check for his salary for the week. All the while he's sliding around the front seat while trying to write the check.
There was an occasion some years back where Fulty was in an especially crappy mood and not playing well. After hitting aother bad shot in a series of several, he turned to Bull and said, "Give me something to break!" Bull quickly replied, "How about par?" Needless to say they had quite a unique employer/employee relationship.
A couple of my favorite Fultyisms are:
-"My luck is so bad right now that if you cut a woman in half and gave her to me, I'd get the half that eats and talks"
-"I've never seen the hole come to the ball"
-Upon reaching the tee a number of years back at the US Open, Fulty addresses the ball late in the day as the shadows were getting long. There was a gentleman in the gallery whose head was casting a shadow directly over the teed ball. The man kept moving his head to try and get a better look at Fulty's tee shot. So Fulty takes his driver and starts pounding the ground wherever the shadow of the man's head moved. Without even looking at the gentleman, Fulty says "Sir, I know your head is hollow, but it still casts a shadow".


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